Day 60: Left Behind

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Oh my fucking god, are you serious! Another movie about the rapture?!? Didn’t we cover that shit already in Knowing?!? Sorry if I seem cranky, I’ve just watched so many bad movies in a row. So many…… I’m only three movies away from the end though! I will finish this!!!!

Ok, it’s bad enough that I had to sit through this garbage, but get a load of the cast: Chad Michael Murray, Lea Thompson, and American Idol’s Jordin Sparks?! What the fuck!

On a side note, I did audition for American Idol the year J Sparks did. It was a terrible experience. All in all it takes about 15 hours to sing 10 seconds of a song to three assholes sitting behind a table. Not Paula, Simon, and Randy, but three other random producer assholes who just run the idol train on 9,000 people. For the first 3 hours of the 15 hour saga was were forced to sing Built This City by Starship in a 9,000 person 3 part harmony. 3 HOURS OF BUILT THIS CITY. I still cringe when I hear the song…

I actually watched Jordin Sparks audition in Key Arena in Seattle, and I thought to myself “Holy shit, that girl can really fucking sing!” And then she won the show. And then she was cast in Left Behind, one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Looks like the idol army didn’t really come through for her on this one!

I also found out that this movie was a remake. Why it needed to be remade was beyond me, but it turns out the first guy cast in Cage’s role before him was Christianity’s favorite playboy, Mr. Kirk Cameron! Supposedly it was after watching her brother star in this movie, Candice Cameron decided to jump on her bro’s band wagon and be saved herself.

The silver lining? This scene cracked me up. In my social group we tend to refer to diarrhea as spray, so you can imagine what a kick I got out of this:

Not gonna lie: I’ve watched this clip about 50 times and LOLed each time.

When the fucking movie is finally over it ends with a song that is so nuts I had to record the whole thing, so here it is for your enjoyment! I’m seriously considering making a karaoke track of it if one doesn’t already exist:

So close to the end…. must keep watching bad Cage movies…..

Next up is Dying of the Light!

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