After making it through six Cage films all on my own, I was stoked that my friend CN and her 6 week old newborn decided to join me for my viewing of The Boy In Blue, and I really needed the company, because this movie was rough.
I only have three words to describe The Boy in Blue: bring a book. Within the first three minutes CN and I knew this was going to be the worst night of our lives. It was a late 19th century period piece telling the story of Ned Hanlan, who was a world champion in scullery. My favorite peanut gallery quote of the night came from CN’s baby daddy who said “I haven’t heard of scullery, but I’ve heard of skullfucking!” in response to my question “What the fuck is scullery?!” The real answer to that is, row boat racing. Like I said, BORING.
One of the first things we noticed in this film is that Cage is mysteriously covered in filth and soot, which we found surprising considering the fact that he spends most of his time in the water. We also could not get over the fact that Cage was pre-veneers in this film, so we couldn’t stop looking at his teeth.
The boredom was killing us, so we decided to do a little googling to learn more about this snooze-fest. Turns out it grossed a whopping $275k in the box office, and it was produced for over 7mill CAD. Canadian money is like monopoly money though, so no harm done!
Surprisingly, there was a bare boobs shot in The Boy in Blue! By my calculations, that leaves us with 6 out of 7 Cage films so far have had boob shots. I am starting to think that if you wanted to be a lead actress in the 80’s it was a requirement to bust out the girls. When I pointed this out to CN, she asked me how many times Cage himself had been topless, and the answer is 5 out of 7 films. To summarize:
Cage films with topless women = 6/7
Cage films with topless Cage = 5/7
I am curious as to how Cage became such an icon, when his first few movies with real leading roles have been such garbage! Valley Girl was fine, but Birdy and The Boy in Blue really couldn’t have gotten him much traction. CN pointed out that there is going to be some point in my string of Cage films where he has his own version of a McConaissance. When will that be? Only time and a lot of Cage movies will tell.
I will leave you with this: after the film ended we spent five minutes watching CN’s 6 week old son try to shit his pants, and that was the most captivated I had been all night. Thanks for the shit show, buddy!
Next stop, Peggy Sue Got Married!!