This is it guys, the moment of truth. We have seen THE WORST CAGE MOVIE YET. I am really struggling to think of a movie I have enjoyed less than Drive Angry. Even Ghost Rider, even Birdy, even Amos and Andrew was better than Drive Angry. I spent most of the film just yelling at the screen “What is this movie even about?!!? What am I watching right now?!!?”
I can’t answer that question personally, as I am just as clueless after watching it as I was before, so I am going to pull the plot description directly from ye old google search in hopes of finding some clarity:
Thrown into hell for his crimes, brutal felon John Milton (Nicolas Cage) escapes from the fiery pit after cultists murder his daughter and take her baby. Intent on rescuing the child, Milton joins forces with a waitress, who gives him her ex-lover’s fire-red muscle car. In it, the two pursue the cult leader, who plans to sacrifice the infant and unleash hell on Earth. However, the hunters become the hunted when Satan sends his merciless henchman (William Fichtner) to drag Milton back.
Ooooook. Yeah, I didn’t catch that on the first go around. Cage had one hell of a look though:
This girl playing the co star with him was just god awful. I’ve never seen her before and I hope to never see her again. I guess her name is Amber Heard. She was also in Magic Mike XXL which I did watch on my flight back from Ireland, and let me tell you, that movie made Drive Angry look like a fucking Oscar winner. Great job, Amber Heard! Your career is off to a great start!
I will leave you with this final scene from Drive Angry, as it perfectly exemplifies the terrible, cheaply made sets, and total confusion about what the hell is going on:
Next up is Seeking Justice!